UPDATE: I had a friend import the .FBX inside of 3ds and do the ol' box trick to it... It worked a charm.

I tried doing that inside of Maya (making a box, combining the box to the bad geo, deleting the box), but it did not work. Still don't really understand what's going on here, but the immediate issue at hand is resolved. If any of you have extra time and still want to take a look at the .FBX I'd be curious to know what is so wrong with the mesh just in case this happens again.

Many thanks,
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