My friend just sent me this. Definitely worth a look.

# 1 05-08-2005 , 06:06 AM

Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2005

Location: Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

Posts: 779

My friend just sent me this. Definitely worth a look.

My friend just e-mail me this:

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Life is hard compared to what?

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out?

If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Was today really necessary?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Nobody felt like avenging your death. Sorry.

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# 2 05-08-2005 , 06:12 AM

Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2005

Location: Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

Posts: 779

640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates '81
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -- President and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.

No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.

THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.

To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

But what ... is it good for? -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Nobody felt like avenging your death. Sorry.

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# 3 05-08-2005 , 06:15 AM

Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2005

Location: Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

Posts: 779

One in every four people have some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep sh**.

"I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." --Lucille Ball

Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin

Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.

To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.

No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from.

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.

If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.

The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.

When all is said and done, much more is said than done.

There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

No Jesus, no peace; know Jesus know peace.

National Atheism Day: April 1st

Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.

Nobody felt like avenging your death. Sorry.

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