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Old 25-02-2004, 11:46 AM   #31
deepakrock627
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hi ,
wanna want me to say the jokes then take that....
JOKES!
hahaha
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Old 08-04-2004, 06:58 AM   #32
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A Minister, Priest and a Rabbi are standing around arguing about how much Money they should give to the church, the Rabbi say’s lets draw a cercal and toss the money in the air and what ever lands inside we keep for are self’s, the Priest say’s NO! What ever lands on the outside we keep for our self’s and the Minister says lets just throw the money up in the air and what ever God wants he keeps.
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Old 08-04-2004, 12:13 PM   #33
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noooooooooooo, not the old joke thread!!!!
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Old 08-04-2004, 01:38 PM   #34
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what kind of evil lord are you that you do not see the evilness of this thread?
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Old 08-04-2004, 05:05 PM   #35
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So a baby seal walks into a club...
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Old 08-04-2004, 08:37 PM   #36
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Two chickens standing by the side of the road. One goes to walk, the other stop him saying: "Stop!, if you cross we'll never near the end of it"
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Yeah, but no but yeah but no....

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Old 14-06-2006, 08:57 PM   #37
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i didn't check to see when the last post in the thread was but i allways say keep smiling, so here's a joke from me... and there's much more when this came from

It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man says. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! "Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, the lucky bastard landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 storeys and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had
a heart attack and died almost instantly.'

The angel sits back and thinks for a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the angel announces, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and lets him in.

A few seconds later the next guy comes up. 'Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.' The man says, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom that broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'

The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. 'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,' the angel announces, 'welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel is warming up to his task. 'OK, please tell me what sort of a day you were having when you died' the angel says.

The third man says, "Alright, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator. . ."
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Old 14-06-2006, 09:08 PM   #38
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and another one :

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the husband behind the wheel.

The wife suddenly looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you are."

Again the husband stays quiet, but speeds up as his anger increases.

"I want the house," she insists, pressing her luck.

Again the husband speeds up to eighty mph.

She says, "I want the car, too," but he just drives faster and faster.

By now he's up to ninety mph. "All right," she says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes her a bit nervous, so she says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," she says, "So what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the husband smiles and says,...

"The airbag."
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Old 14-06-2006, 09:36 PM   #39
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here you go people, 800 really bad jokes
Some of them are actually pretty funny, hehe :p
Really Bad Jokes
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Old 14-06-2006, 10:34 PM   #40
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where does Saddam Hussein keep his ties?

IN I-RACK

GET IT IRAQ
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Old 14-06-2006, 11:52 PM   #41
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first i will start of saying. "wow ppl like old threads more than i actually thought". theres nothing wrong with old threads though.

silverblood your first joke was SOOO hilarious. gosh you had me laughing. :lmao:. my mum got a bit curious on what was i laughing so hard at.. hahaha.

ok i got one

there were 3 guys who were best of friends: Mark a alcoholic, Josh a smoker and Lucas a homosexual. one day while they were all in a car having a good time then a semi truck came out of nowhere and crash there car into pieces .

of what they could figure next out they were standing in hell. of in a distance they saw satan sitting on this bloody throne. seeming that was the only way out of this one they all walked nerviously towards him. when they were just a few feet away when satan said to them. "welcome to my domain josh, lucas and mark."

they were just about to say "hi" when he caught them short. "your death was not your fault and you didnt even deserve it and for this i will give you back your lives on earth If you Josh ever smoke another cigarrette, if you Mark ever drink another beer and if you ever Lucas make love to another man you will be in hell before you know what hit you. ". before long they were stand on solid earth again.

a week later they were walking down the street chatting about old times they had together. they just walked passed the "Black Bull" (mark's favorite bar) when mark shouted
[mark]"I NEED A DRINK".

[josh and lucas]"no no dont. you will go to eternal hell if you do".

[mark] I dont care i need one.

he goes inside and they dont see him come out.

josh and lucas started talking on what happend. just then josh spots a half used cigarette on the ground.

[Josh] I NEED A PUFF!!!!!

[lucas] no no dont. you will go to eternal hell if you do".

[Josh] i dont care i so NEED one.

josh bends down. he's just about to pick it up and lucas disappears.
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Old 15-06-2006, 12:22 AM   #42
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this is an old one, so you guys probably heard it but whatever.

A pirate ship was sailing the seven seas when the man in the crow's nest yells down, "Enemy ship up ahead, Captain!"

The captain looks to his first mate and says, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate wonders why the captain would want to worry about what he's wearing now, right before they're about to go into battle, but he figures, fine and goes and gets the captain his red shirt. The captain puts it on and they go into battle.

The battle was long and bloody, but the captain led his men bravely and they took the ship without losing one man.

A week later, the man in the crow's nest yells down, "Enemy ship up ahead, Captain!"

The captain again looks to his first mate and says, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate runs and grabs the red shirt, thinking that it worked last time, might as well play along. Sure enough, after the captain puts on the shirt, they are able to take the ship without losing anyone!

Finally the first mate asks the captain, "Sir, why did you ask for your red shirt before we go into battle?"

The captain replies, "In case I'm ever shot or wounded, the men won't see the blood and they will continue to fight for me!"

Just then the man in the crow's nest yells down, "Captain, there's an entire FLEET of enemy ships up ahead and closing in fast!"

The captain turns to the first mate and says, "Bring me my brown pants..."

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Old 15-06-2006, 01:15 AM   #43
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lmao . haha good one.
:p
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Old 15-06-2006, 02:58 AM   #44
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not really a joke, morethe simple truth :

Our Morning Prayer . . .

Our Hard Drive

Which art internal

Volume C by name;

Thy code be clean,

Thy fonts be seen

On screen as they are on paper.

Give us this day our documents,

And lead us not into fragmentation

But deliver us our data.

For thine is the SCSI,

And the EISA, and the NuBus,

Forever and Ever,

Amen.
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Old 15-06-2006, 03:35 AM   #45
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I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend?

She was a dream!


There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of
her underwear.

It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our
daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car
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