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Old 19-12-2002, 10:13 AM   #1
el-ignoramus
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Default So funny, I had to share it :D

Hey guyz, I found that one in a site but I lost the link

Hope you like it.

btw it's a true paper submitted by students




THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE





Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?



Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an



American University.





"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the



tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the



person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then



write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the



first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The



first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.



Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the



story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish



to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a



conclusion has been reached."





The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:



Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.



-------------------------------------------------------------



STORY:



(first paragraph by Rebecca)



At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The



camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now



reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he



liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind



off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about



him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of



the question.



------------------------------------------------------



(second paragraph by Gary)



Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron



now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about



than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with



whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to



Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar



orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could



sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a



hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent



him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt



one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who



had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its



pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.



"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"



Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously



excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her



youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no



newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of



innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one



lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.



---------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.



Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the



first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who



pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress



had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were



determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage



of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough



firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they



swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile



entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile



submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the



inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and



85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference



table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em



out of the sky!"



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My



writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at



writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have



camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm



an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



Asshole.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Bitch.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



******.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Slut.



---------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



Get f****d.



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Eat s**t.



--------------------------------------------------------



(Rebecca)



F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!



----------------------------------------------------------



(Gary)



Go drink some tea - whore.







************************************************** ***********



(Teacher)



A+ - I really liked this one.
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Old 19-12-2002, 12:14 PM   #2
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LMAO HAHAH
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Old 19-12-2002, 12:35 PM   #3
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Bhuahahahahaha
Read it before, but it was worth reading it again.
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Old 20-12-2002, 02:07 AM   #4
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ROFLMAO!!! That was great!
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Old 20-12-2002, 02:18 AM   #5
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I thought is was great

My Wife did not
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