Hi Leon,
I don't think I'm able to help you with the modeling, rigging and the rest of this stuff, but I can give you a few tips:
* It will look nice if the camera movement isn't totally linear.
* The characters are moving in complete coordination. If they'd lift their legs a little higher you could confuse it with marching... Try to move that around a bit.

Other from that, nice work!
Benny