right you need to change the pointOnSurface plane to be the big deformed nurbs plane not the little one.
The cones still dont seem to align quite right but it's friday and I'm off for a beer!
As for stopping them, what you can do is set another attribute that is set to true once it has collided. Then you can set the velocity per particle to 0 and thus it should stop moving. If that doesnt work store the position per particle and manually set it's position to that.
And as for making them appear when another particle hits, if you have already got that working before (as you said above) you should be able to use what i have done here to make that apply in your one
Good luck and i'll check in on this on monday.
Alan
Technical Director - Framestore
Currently working on: Your Highness
IMDB