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# 16 04-06-2003 , 09:17 AM

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ROTFLMAO!!!
I´m pissing here man!

adldesigner
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Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 17 04-06-2003 , 09:19 AM

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ROFL!! - see how fast a serious topic changes as it moves through the heads of Mayans

Take a glance at my <a href="https://forums.simplymaya.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=9428"><b>Porsche 959</b></a> WIP

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# 18 04-06-2003 , 09:20 AM

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Originally posted by adldesigner
ROTFLMAO!!!
I´m pissing here man!

Originally Posted by

I'll be back in 2 minutes (for that reason user added image

)

Take a glance at my <a href="https://forums.simplymaya.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=9428"><b>Porsche 959</b></a> WIP

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# 19 04-06-2003 , 09:21 AM

Kevin

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Originally posted by -<{ JB }>-
ROFL!! - see how fast a serious topic changes as it moves through the heads of Mayans

Originally Posted by

LOL - yep especially mine and adls heads.... I swear we aint right!

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# 20 04-06-2003 , 09:22 AM

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Originally posted by Kevin
she needs one of these adl: :finger2:

Originally Posted by

A good spanking. I´ll be sure to talk with my cousin to review other "thrusting" measures. :thumbsup:

adldesigner
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# 21 04-06-2003 , 09:25 AM

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Ostriches 'flirt with farmers' - (according to scottish farmers LMAO!!!!)

-----------------------------------------

The ostriches showed signs of courtship behaviour
Confused ostriches raised on farms are falling for their keepers, according to a researcher.
A study found that the birds were directing their courtship rituals at humans rather than their own species.

And Dr Charles Paxton, a statistician and ecologist at St Andrews University, said it was lucky that the farmers did not venture into the ostrich pens.

"You would not want to go into a pen with an amorous ostrich," he said.

"Ostriches weigh a great deal and have very sharp claws. It would be very, very dangerous indeed."

Spoof prize

Dr Paxton's findings have been published in the journal British Poultry Science.

His research also earned him an Ig Nobel award, a spoof prize given annually for achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced".

Dr Paxton will be giving talks on his study in Manchester and Edinburgh in the coming days as part of National Science Week.

The research was carried out in Oxfordshire during the ostrich farm boom of the mid-1990s.

What we found was that these animals were mostly displaying courtship behaviour directed at the farmers

Dr Charles Paxton
Farmers had become puzzled by a lack of egg-laying - even though they frequently saw the African birds becoming sexually aroused.

Dr Paxton said: "The farmers couldn't understand why every time they went to check on their ostriches they saw them engaging in courtship behaviour.

"What we found was that these animals were mostly displaying courtship behaviour directed at the farmers.

"When human beings weren't around, their level of sexual behaviour went right down."

He said that ostriches showed sexual interest in a number of ways.

'Sexually confused'

"The male drops on his knees in front of the female, puffs his wings out, throws his neck out and makes a booming, groaning noise. It is called kantling behaviour," he said.

"The female drops her neck right down to the ground and clicks her beak."

Dr Paxton, who observed the birds with colleague Charles Deeming, said the behaviour did not depend on the sex of either the farmer or the ostrich.

He believed the birds had become sexually confused after being raised from birth with humans.

One male that mated properly with females of his species had been reared in a zoo with other ostriches.

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Now that is a classic :bow:

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# 22 04-06-2003 , 09:26 AM

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Originally posted by Kevin
LOL - yep especially mine and adls heads.... I swear we aint right!

Originally Posted by

I remember the time I started talking in Chinese. I wonder why I forgot it. :saywhat:

adldesigner
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Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 23 04-06-2003 , 09:26 AM

Kevin

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go and tell your brother to tell his teacher that

"Scottish people shag Ostriches" user added image

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# 24 04-06-2003 , 09:30 AM

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Originally posted by Kevin
Ostriches 'flirt with farmers' - (according to scotish farmers LMAO!!!!)

...BLABLABLA ...

Originally Posted by

LMAO .. I pretty much suppose this Ostrich wanted to have a go at this woman then.

Woman strangles ostrich in self-defence
Posted Mon, 20 Jan 2003

When faced with an agressive male ostrich on a farm outside Cape Town, a 19-year-old South African medical student strangled the bird in self-defence, the Beeld newspaper said Monday.

Corlize Steyn said she had been jogging on an ostrich farm in the town of Touws River while visiting friends when she encountered the ostrich.

Twice she grabbed its neck as it charged, but it was only when it attempted a third lunge that she had a chance to get a good grip, she recalled.

"I thought that the closer I stayed to it, the less it could do to me. I warned it: "I'm going to kill you!," the second-year Stellenbosch University student recalled.

When Steyn returned to the farmhouse all scratched and bruised, the farm owner responded with initial skepticism.

"I have never seen anything like it," Coenraad Bezuidenhout was quoted as saying.

The ostrich was slaughtered — and some of its meat offered to its killer.

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 25 04-06-2003 , 09:33 AM

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Originally posted by Kevin
"Scottish people shag Ostriches"

Originally Posted by

LOL. Flame baiter! :p

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 26 04-06-2003 , 09:33 AM

Kevin

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HAHAHAHHAHA

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# 27 04-06-2003 , 09:37 AM

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25 Strange Ostrich Facts

People once believed ostrich "buried their heads in the sand" to conceal themselves. While they are not very brainy, such ridiculous behavior would have little survival value. However, The Ostrich Trivia Page reports that there may have been a grain of truth to the tale. "When danger threatens, chicks will stretch out flat with necks extended and 'play' opossum, hence the myth".

It doesn't have a wishbone like that found in most birds. Ostrich are considered primitive in that the breastbone is smooth and flat, lacking the keel characteristically found on the breastbone of higher birds.

It's not originally from Africa. Paleontologists have evidence that it originated on the Asian steppes in the Eocene Epoch (40 to 50 million years ago), ranging through Asia, Europe and Africa. Today its range in the wild is limited to Africa.

It is mentioned in the Bible. From the earliest times, it has attracted interest and attention. Many Greek and Latin writers also commented on it.

Cleopatra may have ridden one. According to the Ostrich-Emu InfoNet Home Page, "Ancient Egyptians trained ostriches to pull carts. Over 2,000 years ago, the Egyptian queen Arsinoe rode an ostrich with a saddle. Teams of ostriches were sometimes used in Rome to pull the chariots in the races".

An Ostrich chick is 'born' cold-blooded. The Texas A&M's ostrich page says, "Chicks are unable to thermoregulate at hatch and must have an external source of heat. At hatch, supplemental heat should also be 90 to 95 degrees F (32 - 35 degrees C)." The need for supplemental heat diminishes as the chicks grows.

An ostrich can easily kill a man or a horse. Known as fierce fighters (and often volatile even when domesticated), their sidewise or straight-forward kicks with powerful legs and hard feet can be lethal.

To calm an ostrich, put a sock on it. If they can kick, bite and peck, one might wonder how cranky ostriches are restrained, e.g., for medical care. Texas A&M notes, "darkness or limited light seems to quiet birds and make them easier to handle. Even pastured ratities (ostrich and other flightless birds) may be approached safely at night with a flashlight." For daylight handling, "Hoods are sometimes used to restrain adult ostriches. An opaque, soft stocking is slipped over the eyes and ears and down the neck to obstruct the ostrich's sight and hearing." Handlers know that they seldom kick backward, so it's safer to approach from behind.

Tales of its bizarre eating habits are not greatly exaggerated. Chief foods are plants, seeds, fruits, insects, reptiles, mammals; it consumes almost anything it can seize and swallow, including a wide range of seemingly non-nutritious or harmful substances. Chicks are especially prone to swallow whatever they see, whch can lead to impaction or injury. Ranch birds are usually fed pelleted ration, supplemented by grass, alfalfa hay, etc.

It can outrun a cheetah. Cheetahs can attain a 70 mph (113 kph) speed in a dash, but soon tire. An ostrich can run faster than 40 mph (64 kph) and sustain a velocity no other terrestrial animal can match. Nevertheless, they're relatively easy to capture by men on horseback, because ostrich tend to run in circles and eventually tire when pursurers chase them in relays.

Ostrich races were popular in the early years of the century. Racetrack picture show jockeys mounted on their festhered steeds, or racing them hitched to sulkies or buggies. On the farms, visitors often had their pictures made on ostrich back or in buggies, carts or wagons drawn by the birds.

Ostrich greeting cards are available from artist S.M. Park. The two Christmas designs feature 3-color art on white linen card stock with vellum envelopes, eight to a box. For information, contact NTC/Park Art, 9393 SE Foster Road, Suite 103, Portland OR 97266. For more details, check Crockers Ostrich Page.

A male ostrich usually has several "wives". The polygamous male usually takes 3 to 5 cohorts, all of which deposit their eggs in the same nest containing 30 or more. Both sexes incubate and guard the eggs. (Ranch eggs are electrically heated, often with computer controlled incubators that rotate the eggs in sterile lab conditions.)
A pair or trio of ostrich can be raised in as little as 1/2 acre (0.20 hectare). Pens for groups average 1/4 to 1/2 acre each, with very little shelter needed for adult birds. But given their large size, lethal abilities and voracious eating habits, we don't recommend them as apartment pets.

Eggnog from one egg would serve fifty people. Ostrich eggs weigh about 3 pounds (1000 to 1500 grams) and hold about 3 pints (half a liter). Equal in quantity to 20 hens eggs, it would take about 40 minutes to hard-boil an ostrich egg.

Ostrich feathers helped in making your car and your computer. According to the Amerintco home page, besides being used by the fashion industries, ostrich feathers recently have found their way "into high-tech applications, including major car mannufacturers that use feather rollers to remove static dust before painting automobiles in the assembly lines. There are also applications in the computer industry, as well as feather dusters being manufactured for commercial and domestic uses."

One ostrich = 3 pairs of cowboy boots. The Texas Agricultural Extension Service at Texas A&M University reports that "Ostrich leather is a popular product for making boots, clothing and upholstery. An adult ostrich will produce 14 square feet (1.30 sq. meters) of hide. One hide can make three pairs of boots. In Texas, several custom leather goods companies and one large boot manufacturer are buying ostrich leather produced in the U.S.".

It can catch a cold, but probably not yours. Veterinarians treat them for various bird ailments, though few of their diseases are like "parrot fever" in being contagious to mammals.

It can "roar like a lion or low like an ox," according to some listeners. One report says "the voice of the male bird is loud, deep and gutteral or howling in quality, always mournful in character." The Oklahoma State Ostrich Book adds, "The mating behavior of the male is quite elaborate with the male sitting on his hocks, moving his wings up and down while throwing his head from side to side. During this time, the mate will usually make a thumping sound and will inflate his neck area and create a loud booming noise."

It can be a red neck, a blue neck or a black. There are four (or five) sub-species in various parts of Africa. Male ostrich of East Africa have pink or red skin and are often referred to as "red necks," while the more southern ostrich has blue skin and is referred to hormone testosterone. The redneck ostrich is from east Africa (Tanzania and Kenya), while the blueneck belongs to one of three sub-species native to north, west or south Africa.

Bigger isn't always better. Though an ostrich can grow to 9 ft. tall (2.74 m) and 450 pounds (204 kg), "a captive cross-bred bird was developed that was smaller and more easily handled," says the Okla. Ostrich Book. "This bird is often referred to as the South African 'black' ostrich, a term coined by U.S. ostrich farmers."

Ostrich rustling has been a problem that is now abating. With proven breeding pairs selling for tens of thousands of dollars, owners now equip their stock with subdermal microchips for identification and record keeping. The chip is usually inserted at hatch, just behind the head. Some older birds have a second chip inserted into the tail area, so that they can be "read" while they're busy eating or drinking.

Just like wild songbirds, domesticated ostriches' legs are banded to help identify individuals at a distance. The numbered bands come in various colors, and are placed around the ankle or above the hock.

Ostrich hens are good magazine cover girls. Actually, the colorful ostrich "roosters" are seen more often on a number of magazines featuring the big birds, including The Ratite Journal, The (Emu) Ostrich (Rhea) News, American Ostrich - Official Publication of the American Ostrich Association, California Ostrich, Canadian Ostrich Magazine, Ratite Market Place, Exotic News, Rocky Mountain Livestock Journal, and Boomtown News. For addresses, check Michael Kapala's list at the Ostrich-Emu InfoNet Home Page.

Ostrich meat is served in gourmet restaurants. The following sources can lead you to eateries that serve "the other red meat." Promoters claim that taste-tests show the low-fat meat, when properly prepared, to be as tasty as beef or other prepared meats. Here's a recipe for French-South African Soup from Sandra Hildreth's "Cooking Ostrich With Confidence." You can get more recipes, and find how to order her U.S. $35 book and others, at Crocker's Ostrich Page.

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# 28 04-06-2003 , 09:43 AM

Kevin

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damn adl, we have virtually done your brothers assignment for him!

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# 29 04-06-2003 , 09:45 AM

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Damn, that was a lot. LOL.
Here, feast on this ...

Gay vulture couple raise surrogate chicks by Eric Silver in The Independent, 2nd. August, 1999, page 1.

"A pair of homosexual griffon vultures at Jerusalem Zoo have lovingly reared two fledglings of their endangered species. The adult males, known as Dashik and Yehuda, built a nest last year and set up home together. In the spirit of gay liberation, they openly and energetically mated, but failed to produce a single egg. Then, as an experiment, Israeli zoologist Shmuel Yidow took a day-old vulture chick that had been hatched in an incubator; inserted it carefully inside a swan's egg and slipped it into the nest. Fooled, the pair took turns to sit on it and warm it until it hatched again. Dashik and Yehuda then reared their baby: 'They did a great job,' said the zoo's spokeswoman, Sigalit Dvir. 'They shaded him on hot days, they brought him water from a pond, they fed him, they stopped him falling from the nest'. This summer the adoptive parents have done it again."

"The trouble is that hand-reared vultures find it harder to adjust to nature. They look for human beings to feed them. 'It's better,' Shmuel Yidow explained, 'for vultures to take care of vultures'. Gay or straight."

adldesigner
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# 30 04-06-2003 , 09:46 AM

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Originally posted by adldesigner
'It's better,' Shmuel Yidow explained, 'for vultures to take care of vultures'. Gay or straight."

Originally Posted by

LMAO!! Damn. Another classic. :bow: