Yes, take a chill pill, relax your too young to be so driven and short tempered.
OK to answer question one:
There is only 1 solution I would use to get a person folling down the stairs correctly and with Natural Motion and that would be to use Endorphin. This is a high end dynamic simulation software that specialises in this type of animation. Endorphine does cost in the region of £5500, but it does provide a free LE version for you to play with. Try it its amazing. Also there are the techniques of Keyframing and also sttempting to use Rigid and Passive Body Dynamics, but this never really ends up that natural.
Weapons effects can be added post production (this is the way I would do it), but you can do this within Maya using Fluids, Particles and Emiters.
Lastly don't be so quick to judge the site or its members, they are a fantastic bunch who dedicate a lot of their spare time to the site for free. And nearly every question posted has someone who can answer it. The SM tutes are some of the best around, so get the freebies watch them and learn.
Enjoy your stay at SM...
Chris (formerly R@nSiD)
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will truely know peace - Jimmy Hendrix
Winner SM VFX Challenge 1
3rd Place SM SteamPunk Challenge (May 2007)