Halo 2 will bring outstanding gameplay, gorgeous graphics, and online battles to our homes. But what about all the other things? The small things that nobody thinks about or expects? Or huge problems and circumstances that will happen in response to this gaming milestone? What about those?
Well, I'm sure this is a life-or-death issue for all of you, so here I am with 50 Unexpected Effects of Halo 2. Prepare the bomb shelter and sign up for high-speed internet, 'cause Halo 2 is coming to your home!
1. Internet Halo sites will be flooded with fans, blocking the airwaves. Bungie.net will be up and running for a total of 6 minutes-a-day for months after the Halo 2 release.
2. Everybody already lost in the race for Game Of The Year awards in all video game magazines. Sony and Nintendo are not feeling the love.
3. A fanatical Halo player, training for the game, goes on a killing spree in downtown Manhatten. Congress meets to discuss the issue and doesn't solve anything.
4. For the first time in a long while the cover of Entertainment Weekly will be graced by a video game character (guess who).
5. HBO, BGH, Bungie.net, Halo Online and all other major fan sites forums will be flooded with desperate newbies trying to figure out how to stop 'getting swallowed by that purple thing'.
6. Everybody will get caught up in Halo 2 fanfare, completely forgetting that there is a PC Halo coming out under the watchful eye of Gearbox. Then it will come out of nowhere and blow our minds.
7. There will be 1,294,864 seperately operating Halo clans milling around X-Box Live.
8. Halo 3 will sell horribly because the weaker half of gamers who buy Halo 2 will have sudden heart attacks.
9. On a similar note, life insurance rates sky-rocket if you own an X-Box.
10. The first buyer of Halo 2 will be a smelly, bearded old man who has waited in a tent for 369 days outside EB Gameworld for the game to release.
11. The perfectly rendered graphics will cause all gamers to cry uncontrollably for hours. Plumbers will get paid big money to drain out flooded basement after flooded basement after flooded basement...
12. There will be 467 different variations of the qoute, " Halo 2 will be like Halo, only it's Halo on fire going 260 mph through a hospital zone getting chased by helicopters and ninjas. And the ninjas are on fire, too" from various Bungie officials.
13. Duke Nukem, James Bond, and that guy from Quake will hang their collective heads in shame.
14. School truancy will inexplicably go up %460 percent across the nation. Congress meets to discuss the issue and doesn't solve anything.
15. Frogblast and Darkhelmet will never go outside again.
16. Halo fans all over the world will build and share thousands of new Warthog designs through X-Box Live.
17. The Cortana Letters will be dug up by various conspiracy theorists so they can go, " See? You all called me crazy, but I was right! Here it is!".
18. On a related note, the desperate newbies will make complete idiots of themselves trying to figure out who 'Durandal' is supposed to be (Is he a Flood dude or what?).
19. Saps with Dial-Up internet connections will be mocked thoroughly by their wired compatriots; 34 suicides are estimated to result.
20. Those working for video game magazines will destroy the industry by simply taking their free copies of Halo 2 and running away, never to be seen again.
21. Our view of FPS's and video games as a whole will be completely changed. Again.
22. Several thousand people will become so hooked on Halo 2 that they'll lose all motor function outside of their hands.
23. 21.3 million people will sink deep into Halo 2. They will sink so deep in that there's no escaping the fate of becoming nerds. The nerd/geek population will thusly expand exponentially.
24. Gamers will take Halo 2 and immediately jack up the difficulty to Legendary, only to discover that they're very rusty after not playing Halo for 6 months, even though they played Halo for 18 months before that.
25. There will be 1,123 combined pages of hype for Halo 2 every month from this point on in video game magazines around the world. When we come within a month of Halo 2 release there will be a hype of 6,390 pages in one month.
26. All first person shooters will, from then on, have shoes that are too impossibly huge to fill.
27. Video games will replace football as the national pass-time (Football has long since overpassed baseball).
28. Halo 2 will change as much from it's original design as Halo 1. It will turn into a cel-shaded, third-person, puzzle/racing game.
29. Someone out there will write a terrible Halo movie, that will have a terrible director and will be populated by terrible actors. But it will still set movie gross records.
30. Halo 2 will snatch a spot in Guinness for most awards for a single video game.
31. JEEP will intoduce it's new line of Warthog-humvees. Arnold Schwartzennegger will buy 50.
32. The City of Seattle will sue Microsoft and Bungie studios for singling it out to be destroyed by Covenant forces (watch the trailer).
33. Hundreds of millions of gamers will be confused, because all of the Marines will begin to speak in their home language (Thai, Italian, Chinese, Russian, etc.).
34. Trigger-happy Marine soldiers with rocket launchers will frequently blow holes in the ships hull and get everyone sucked into the void. This trains whatever people who didn't kill Marines in the first place to immediately bury a pistol bullet into their allies head, regardless.
35. Thousands will argue over the significance of that blue stuff on the wall that you see in the third level (after you launch your Warthog over the gauntlet of jagged spikes).
36. Everybody but Congress will completely forget about GTA: Vice City. Congress will have a hearing about Vice City, and naturally, won't solve anything.
37. When people find secrets in Multi-player levels (like leaving the map on Blood Gulch) they will viciously guard them rather than share them openly. If someone leaks the secret to the public they are executed.
38. Gameshark recalls its X-Box line (there will be one) after half of their staff is burned at the stake for helping people cheat in Halo 2 online.
39. Halo leagues will form. The people running these leagues will become greedy and require cash for you to join the leagues (secretly). Eventually will have Halo mafias on our hands, complete with Tommy guns and brass knuckles.
40. The Sims Online and Halo 2 will be in tight compitition to be the largest MMO game. Angry mobs and race riots will ensue in bloody street wars.
41. On a related note, mobs in Greece will attack government buildings because they can no longer buy video games, and they want Halo 2, NOW!
42. Everybody in the forums will publicly humiliate me and beat my body to a bloody pulp in what was supposed to be a friendly game of CTF.
43. Blood Gulch won't be the only multi-player level worth playing anymore.
44. Money from Halo 2 will hyper-accellerate Microsoft plans for world domination. By 2010 they will have enslaved all Gamecube owners. Join us before it's too late!
45. The recent X-Box price drop will be repealed. X-Box's will again cost $450. Yet, somehow, X-Box sales will go up.
46. Nintendo decides to just drop out of the online gaming world entirely, at least for this generation.
47. The end will be so twisted, so surprising, something that catches us offguard so completely that if someone posts a topic revealing it before we've seen it ourselves, we will hunt them down and kill them. We know your IP numbers. Fear us.
48. And that isn't an idle threat, either.
49. There will be an official Halo 2 competition every single week.
50. And last but not least, everyone in the forums will again begin looking into the future, in Halo 3...